Tag Archives: Facepalm

Horses and Turkeys

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I’ve often times written about the turkeys in my life. These flightless, technically useless feed-birds also have another connotation. A turkey can also be a lame workplace drag. A human doorstop. Bright as a bag of hammers. Smart as a sack of bricks. These people are witnessed by the statement “Oh God, really? Again!? Wow.”

I have evidence now of turkey-dom in my midst. A lot of my initial irritation is tempered for many of them because at some point in the past they demonstrated some measure that they respected us and our mission within the overarching structure of our organization. The context is one of the horse. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.

There is a difference between the way I used to respond to turkeys and how I do now. I’m not just drifting in space without a radio. I’ve got a tether and someone in ground control who gives a damn. So, the turkeys are being rounded up and sent to the nearest metaphorical Tyson packing plant. I’ve got direction, and I categorically refuse to let these particular dullards get me down. Their lives will suck, I’m quite tired of trying to haul them out of the water. They’ve chosen ignorance and we can’t be really bothered with that sort any more. It boggles my mind, the way some of these people behave.

C’est la vie…

Superbowl XLV

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Anyone who knows me knows full well that my attitude to organized sports is careless at best and massively abusive at worst. I take a lot of my cues from my personal hero, George Carlin, especially for his points that good sportsmanship and competition isn’t where it’s at, it’s loss of property, loss of limb, and loss of life where the real drive is. Anyways, since I care not a whit for the players, their teams, or the entire endeavor really it came down to the commercials. After all, the game is just a sweaty grunty window-dressing for the real game – that is, drawing the millions of people who watch to the advertisers. The ad men spend millions to put their very best spots on TV. So after a while, the game becomes a foolish excuse and people look for whats in-between, they look for the ads.

What did Superbowl XLV Ads have in common? Ultra-violence. We’re talking Clockwork Orange level of abuse and mistreatment. The Pepsi Ad where a woman throws a full can of soda at ANOTHER PERSONS HEAD, the Doritos Ad where one man licks the fingers of another, then tears the pants off yet another and fetishistically goes Japanese-businessman on them, all the way out to the extremis, which would be Bridgestone’s ad where a cube-drone attempts to head a Reply-All Email off at the pass by hurting a great number of people, Wow.

After watching the ads I was filled with a kind of cheerful violence, if I had watched ‘Taken’ right afterwards I would have likely been trembling with the urge to pull people’s heads off and scream at the corpses.

So, what do we learn from Superbowl XLV? That when we are at the market buying Pepsi we should have helmets. When we are buying Doritos we should have gloves and secure pants and a rape-whistle, and when dealing with Bridgestone perhaps a taser, a handgun, or an aluminum baseball bat. The central theme is “buy our products and something horrible will happen to you at random”. So… avoid Pepsi, Doritos, and Bridgestone.

Save yourselves. 🙂